“LEXOPHILE HUMOR”

As a writer I suppose that it is normal that I love working with words.  I love puns and jokes.  Perhaps you are not familiar with the word “lexophile”.  It means a person who loves words and word plays.  They love to put words together that have dual meanings.  Some people call them “puns”.

 

The following list of lexophiles was sent to me by a good friend, and I want to pass them along for other people to enjoy.  I understand that an annual national competition is held to see who can come up with the best lexophiles.  The following were some of the winners:

 

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married.  The fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care center where a three year old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When he saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road; poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

 

A final thought:

 

Lord, give me a sense of humor,

Give me the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And pass it on to other folk.