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Lupus Life

 

A few nights ago, Billy D and I were in a local store. I was standing by the door, waiting on Billy D to check out. While I was standing there a man approached me and asked me if I was in line. I told him no and he just stood there. Finally, I pointed at BD and said “I am with him” so the guy walked away. When he got back around where BD was, BD sized him up. I thought it was odd because in 19+ years, he has never once batted an eye much less sized a man up who talked to me. He says my character is why he has never had to. So, when we were left the store my feelings were kind of hurt that for the first time, he felt the need to size a man up. I asked what that was about because he had never done that before. Yes, I was gearing up to be super emotional. I had my “I am trustworthy” speech all ready! He said it was because when I was younger, I could hold my own with folks but now it’s time for him to step in because of how much Lupus has slowed me down. At first, it kinda bothered me because I have always been a strong person and can take care of myself verbally and physically. Then I realized that Billy D was doing his job. Its his job to cover me when the cold world of Lupus is beating down on me. Not because I made it his job but because HE made it his job.

Recently I noticed that when Billy D and I walk into a store it is usually hand in hand or my arm through his. However, when we leave the store, he walks way ahead of me. I must admit that my feelings were starting to get hurt. Was I walking too slow? Was my occasional limp so noticeable that he was embarrassed? The devil put all kinds of lies in my head. The last time we left Walmart he walked past me and grabbed the bag I was carrying and said, “I got this”. He once again walked way ahead of me. The further he got ahead of me, the worse my feelings were getting hurt.  Each step I took, the more I hated Lupus. When I finally got to the Tracker, I was almost in tears. Then I saw Billy D standing with my car door open, waiting for me to get in so he could shut the door. It was then that I realized that he was not walking ahead because he was embarrassed of me. He wanted to get everything loaded and my door open before I got there. He was not avoiding me; he was helping me. Too often we allow the devil to distort our thoughts and create problems where there are none. Billy D is super supportive of me. More than once he has said we needed to leave a store because I was not looking well. He even bought this thing that has a remote so I can turn off the lamps while laying in bed if the lights bother my eyes. If he does so many things to support me then why would he be embarrassed of me? He would not. He is only walking ahead so I won’t have

 to wait. His faster footsteps are not done out of embarrassment, it is done with love. We should all walk ahead of those we love and make sure everything is ready for their comfort. We should take some of the burden off an overworked spouse. We should say a little extra prayer for a friend who works long hours or two jobs. We should all want to size folks up who they feel might be a threat to someone we love. I am perfectly okay with Billy D sizing someone up or walking ahead of me. He is only making sure that I am covered. I think he does a really good job of it. Remember to always love thy neighbor.

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